Alcoholics

I never go to see my "mother" she came here to visit hers. She came drunk as usually drinking is her thing. When she drinks she get loud and annoying having fits over everything saying that she is going to leave. why because she doesnt want to be her. Why come if all you are going to do is drink yell and have fits. You know what is funny to me my brother's daughter she doesnt believe that it is his and thinks he should get a DNA test but she wants to see her. And dispise the child and the mother not to their faces but behind their backs. She gets on my nerves so much and my brother his is in a rehab center for six-seven months it seems like he will never learn his lesson. Another funny thing is when he was out he wasn't paying child support at all or giving money for his child. He was renting a TV and a laptop for a hundred dollars a month and not giving anything to her I realize now that material things is more important then his own child. Back to my "mother" when i see her and she is drinking she makes me sad because no matter how many times you tell her that drinking affects me it seems like she doesnt care. Thats where my brother gets it from i guess. But all she does is drink and talk loud yelling in a high pitch annoying voice that I cant stand. I dont visit her because she is annoying and all she does is drink and bring up stuff from the past and put it in your face. I wrote a poem about her called " Losing love" its hard to love someone you dont really know. First she was a drug addict now a alcoholic and complains about her children not seeing her. They dont see you because all you do is drink and when you drink you are annoying and aggressive. Its hard to love her I dont even know if I do. She isn't someone I want in my life. She try to drink her problems away because she is lonely and lonely because she is a alcoholic. I tried so many times to give her my all and everytime i got knock down and my feelings hurt. My sister said to me " when she came in I seen  that you put up a wall" yea because I've gave up or giving up. Why should I have this is my life this pain and saddness when you come. Right now tears are welled up in my eyes because my heart is and soul is sad. They only way to me is to let go of the past meaning her and move on so I dont have to feel this way. So I wont hurt no more so I wont cry. Even my grandmother is annoying and says the meanest things just to pick. Cause she know what buttons to push. Sometimes she says stuff and say "Cry I dont care Cry" for what just because. And it hurts because it made all theses years to be a wasted why adopt me only to make me feel so miserble. I wish that i was never adopted by her I wouldnt care not knowing my family cause some of then there is no point. For what to feel pain why would God allow this. I hope that good will come soon and the pain way go away and I'll just ee happy. For Like a couple of months when I use to go to church I was happy. Soon as I leave church i felt good and just so happy and love in my heart from God. Then when I got home my grandmother would say something and just saddness would overwhelm me. I wish I had that feeling again of grace and joy and love. And I said for a little bit to myself "its not her its them" (meaning demons) just trying to still my joy away.