6/29/10

Today I found out that my older brother has testicular cancer. My grandmother told me today.  She said that he smoking his self away (weed). He told her that he doesnt care if he go to jail. But he seems like he doesnt acknowlegde that he has daughter. And all he will do is lose one ball depending on how far the cancer has spread. I find it amusing that in a life and "death" situation that he is willing to give up. Instead of trying to change is life around for the better this is just a test. Or another obstacle in his way. I said if it was me and I have a kid I will do everything good for my child as well as for myself and I would fight my way through it. People dont realize that you dont have to accept everything and then give up on being. Maybe this is just a phase for him and eventually he will get over it. But who knows right? My grandma said that he is depress now. You cant allow the saddness to overwhelm you have to take life and stand up straight and try your best into you run out of it. I guess I should take my own advice ahhh perhaps.

When will he tell me about his situation maybe when it sinks in my uncle found out by the doctor calling is phone. My brother situation is that he is homeless at the moment he is 28yrs old with a daughter that he doesnt really see to often. He has a job but he spends his money on stupid stuff like weed and maybe his laptop that he doesnt need because he needs to buy his daughter stuff. He also has a Tv that he doesnt use that he is also making payments. I know that he feels like no one cares and the world is against him but he should never think about giving up. Like before his daugther was born he tried to kill himself by drinking something I cant remember it was something at where ever he was staying that he found under the sink. I care about him but he made it hard for me over the years stealing from me and lying about stealing my clothes. My games and selling them and destroying my stuff. To me he is like his mother but I would wish bad apon him. When I found out I didnt cry no tears welled up in my eyes I smiled in disbelief. But I no nothing is going to happen to him unless he doesnt go and try to get treatment and really just give up on life. I believe this is a test from God for him to do things right because this is his second chance to live life the way that was intended for him. Instead of what he didnt do now he has somethings to look forward to and things that he can do. I dont know life is a crazy thing ..