6/29/10

Today I found out that my older brother has testicular cancer. My grandmother told me today.  She said that he smoking his self away (weed). He told her that he doesnt care if he go to jail. But he seems like he doesnt acknowlegde that he has daughter. And all he will do is lose one ball depending on how far the cancer has spread. I find it amusing that in a life and "death" situation that he is willing to give up. Instead of trying to change is life around for the better this is just a test. Or another obstacle in his way. I said if it was me and I have a kid I will do everything good for my child as well as for myself and I would fight my way through it. People dont realize that you dont have to accept everything and then give up on being. Maybe this is just a phase for him and eventually he will get over it. But who knows right? My grandma said that he is depress now. You cant allow the saddness to overwhelm you have to take life and stand up straight and try your best into you run out of it. I guess I should take my own advice ahhh perhaps.

When will he tell me about his situation maybe when it sinks in my uncle found out by the doctor calling is phone. My brother situation is that he is homeless at the moment he is 28yrs old with a daughter that he doesnt really see to often. He has a job but he spends his money on stupid stuff like weed and maybe his laptop that he doesnt need because he needs to buy his daughter stuff. He also has a Tv that he doesnt use that he is also making payments. I know that he feels like no one cares and the world is against him but he should never think about giving up. Like before his daugther was born he tried to kill himself by drinking something I cant remember it was something at where ever he was staying that he found under the sink. I care about him but he made it hard for me over the years stealing from me and lying about stealing my clothes. My games and selling them and destroying my stuff. To me he is like his mother but I would wish bad apon him. When I found out I didnt cry no tears welled up in my eyes I smiled in disbelief. But I no nothing is going to happen to him unless he doesnt go and try to get treatment and really just give up on life. I believe this is a test from God for him to do things right because this is his second chance to live life the way that was intended for him. Instead of what he didnt do now he has somethings to look forward to and things that he can do. I dont know life is a crazy thing ..

Losing Love by Evelyn Cora Pontes| Lulu Poetry

Losing Love by Evelyn Cora Pontes Lulu Poetry

Losing Love by Evelyn Cora Pontes| Lulu Poetry

Losing Love by Evelyn Cora Pontes Lulu Poetry

Tired

Did my laundry this morning/afternoon. Then studied for my biology test. I realized and thought about again how much this life isn't what I want. It bothers me so much to being stupid stuff and not achieving anything so far. nothing in my life I can say that I'm proud of because I dislike it. my home situation is annoy and I also hate it. I see how all these people got somewhere in life that they like and I'm home not knowing what to do or where to go.

Well Today I went on youtube and learned how to draw more realistic.. Anyway today I really dont know. I know I need to leave and I surely  gotta work on getting my permit. Because I going crazy  and I cant be here next year and next semester in the snow. Yesterday and today my grandmother has been aggavating me picking and yelling about stupid things. When I haven't said or done anything. And for some reason I allow it to sadden me. Right now I'm tearing up because I don't know what to do. Only so much a person care bare..I try to think about others things so that she cant take my sanity. She gets me depress/sad and I later I cant concertrate on the things that I'm suppose to be doing like my homework. She tells me things I asked her not to tell me like what other people tell her nasty stuff. Yesterday her phone stopped working she told me that I cant have my internet because her phone is off. Her attitude was if I dont have my phone you cant have the internet which I'm paying for separately. If someone wakes her up she yells and starts screaming " I can't sleep neither will anyone else"..Slowy but surely I'm going go crazier then which I am..I have to go in order to keep sain.. I know once I'm gone I'm not going to come back.There is know reason to.

i dont know

How do you make your dreams come true. Where does the drive come from and how do you get. R u suppose to pray and hope and wait or pray and find out where the chances are so you can take a leap..Still how do you get there cause I have everything in my head and on paper but i dont know what to do next..