Thanksgiving and afterwards.

My drunken mother came down for thanksgiving yelling and ranting about stupid stuff drinking herself away. I sent her text msgs saying i cut myself because she likes to bother me when she drinks. I told her everytime you bother me I'll send you crazy messages. so when she came she said where your cuts you aint crazy. This went on for the whole time she was here. Oh yea me and my sister live together my grandmother moved to a place for old people. She wasn't here for her rants she cried and yelled and talked to herself into 1 or 2 in the morning and it was also about her birthday how no one called her.She also cried about her uncle because he told her that his stomach was hurting. come to find out later that his stomach was hurting because the smell of alcohol on her breath was too much for him. If I did call her on her birthday it would go to my little brother phone. Want to know why because she somehow decided to have all her calls forward to his phone. Then the next day thanks giving she picked with me and i lost it and cursed " I'm fucking tired of this shit" I think thats what I said I dont remember. All I know is I was tired of here going on at me she thinks I'm telling my little brother what to do. He is stuck living with her because he moved with her to go to college. So I snapped. It's funny cause I think of the people who say all i saw was red or I blacked out i cant remember what happen. And they killed the people. Anyways after I cursed I went down stairs she followed screaming "fuck you" thanks mom. I cursed before a couple years ago because she is fat, very fat and has a stomach. So one day when she came by she decided to do what she does best which is drink and pick at me. Then she came in my room yelling and what not i cursed she conered me with her large belly and I think i said " get the fuck away from me". Then all hell broke lose as usually. Then she cursed and I told her how she isn't my mother the only mother I had was my grandmother who adopted me. Which is now true according to my birth certificate her name is no longer on it.  Any ways back to thanksgiving she sat outside road around in a cab to my more liquor. I believe that she dispises me i dont know why..maybe because I'm the one that got adopted by her mother...So by law again I'm really her sister and her daughter at the same time lol. Anyways everytime she drinks or when I hear from her or anything else about her I get depressed..Really depressed suicidual thinking depressed. I dont think that I love her..because I dont really care about her anymore..I just dont care anymore.